I love my children, but I love my husband more.

Disclaimer: Many of you will not agree with this post and might even find it offensive. That is okay. That's the beauty of it all, we DON'T have to agree on everything.

When I was little and my father and I found ourselves alone on a car ride or walking through the city center, I would ask him "Dad, who do you love more? Mom or me?" the answer was always the same "They are different kinds of love that you can't compare, but I love your mom more". I don't know why I kept asking the question. Maybe I figured the older I got my dad would realize how exceptionally cool I was and his answer would change. It never did. It wasn't until I became an adult that I realized the significance of his answer and what it had meant for my upbringing and my future relationship with my own husband.

Yesterday my husband and I celebrated our four year anniversary.  It's been an amazing four years.

Granted four years isn't grounds for an "expert" opinion, but I have a ton of experts that I have learned from over the years (my parents most importantly), and what they have taught me will continue to bless my marriage every day. Here is where this post turns a little controversial...dun dun dun....I believe that in order to have a successful marriage, you must love your spouse more than your children. GASP! Let's not forget that the two kinds of love are completely different and you can't measure or compare the two BUT we can prioritize our love and frankly I believe your spouse should come first in your pyramid of love.

When I look back at my childhood and ask myself what gift my parents gave me that has impacted my life the most, the answer is easy...it was their relationship with one another. They loved each other and there was never a doubt in my mind as a child or adult just how much (it was A LOT). They never fought in front of us. I thought a family without parents fighting was NORMAL until I entered high school and realized that my parents in fact were not the "norm". I asked my mom one day if her and my dad ever fought since I had never actually witnessed one. She shared with me that once married they had made a pact with each other that they would never fight in front of the children. They would fight in their room when we were asleep, or go outside and sit in the car and "work out" their issues. What a HUGE gift to give your children, to never expose them to those adult fights that they don't understand and that will have a huge negative impact on them as they grow into adulthood. My husband and I plan to do the same.

My parents took trips. Every anniversary they left us children behind and relished in a kid free anniversarymoon. As a child I resented their escapades. Why couldn't we go? It's not fair that mom and dad get to go on a cruise, to another country, to a hotel, to do something fun! What. The. Heck! We were left behind with family or close family friends to enjoy a parent free week/weekend while they enjoyed a kid free one. I remember my husband and I's first anniversarymoon like it was yesterday. My eldest was three months old at the time and we left him with my mom for 5 days while we stayed at an all inclusive resort in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. I remember sharing the news via my FB and receiving many responses (comments). A lot of them were encouraging but there were many that despite being "nice" had underlining themes. For example: " Wow! Mexico! How exciting. So jealous. I could never do it though, leave my baby behind for so many days. I'm too emotional". I know intentions were never evil, however the points were made. How could I leave my baby to go spend a vacation with my husband?! Was it easy to leave him? Absolutely not. Did I cry? Yes! Did I think about my son every day while in Mexico? You betcha! Did we skype my mom every day to make sure he was doing okay? Of course! Did I anxiously await the day I would be reunited with the peanut again? YESSSSSSSSSS.

That's not the point though. Why does spending alone time with my husband translate into not being a "good mom" or being a mom who "doesn't care".

The IMPORTANT questions should be...

Did my husband and I need this?...So much!

Had we drifted apart from the craziness that is having a newborn in your life?....Yes we had.

Had we stopped feeling like we were still "dating"?...Of course, a newborn does that to your relationship.

Did our anniversarymoon bring us closer together?....It sure did. My husband even proposed to me AGAIN on lovers beach :)

Did we stupidly buy a timeshare because we were on cloud nine?.....Uhhh no comment.

Are our children going to benefit from having parents who spend alone time together? I would like to believe our healthy relationship will impact my children in a positive way.

Is spending alone time together important to keeping the fire going? Absolutely, and we plan on doing it every anniversary from now until we croak.

You see friends, one day our kids are going to leave us. My boys are going to grow up, leave the nest, get jobs, marry, and have a family of their own. At this point I am going to be left stuck with my husband and ONLY him. If I spent the last 20 years ignoring our relationship and putting all of my focus, love, and energy on my children and not my marriage, I will be in for a huge RUDE awakening. I personally don't want that. I want to feel excitement when my boys leave the house...GOOD RIDDENS little monsters! Can't wait to hang out with your dad and explore the world together while we eat ice cream and cookies WITHOUT having to share :) Slightly kidding! But on a serious note....I see so many moms that invest ALL of their time, energy, and love on their children that they completely forget about their husbands and most importantly themselves. Children become center of universes, while marriages become back burners. It's no wonder that when kids finally leave the home relationships no longer feel a connection (how could they if the focus was primarily on the kids?), couples have nothing in common, the romance is LONG gone, and marriages crumble.

Yes it is important to go out on dates with your husband often. It's even better to go on a vacation! Yes people will judge you for "loving" your husband more and for being the wicked witch of the west for leaving your babies behind. But I promise you one thing, the most important gift you can give your child is the example of a loving marriage and family. I can't stress enough how important it is for your children to witness a loving marriage, to know that dad or mom comes first before their needs, to understand that marriage is sacred and we must always take care of it by spending the time and effort to nurture it always despite how busy we may become with our little ones. Hey, if anything this is an excuse to tell your spouse you NEED a vacation :) Can't go wrong there.


Take it for what it is....it worked for my parents and I'm betting it will for me too :)

Baby Weight

There are many things I wish I would have known prior to conceiving and birthing little peanuts into this world. I can't help but feel I would have been so much more prepared had I known everything concerning motherhood if SOMEONE had just told me. Here is the thing though, I don't think any single mom knows or experiences "everything", not every mom feels comfortable enough to share "everything", and some moms simply don't want to scare future moms by telling them "everything" so they keep their mouths shut. Every day I am dumbfounded by something new and can't help but want to share my experiences with other moms, future moms, or the women who choose to never have children (so they can reaffirm their decision by hearing our misfortunes :).

So here we go...today the subject is about baby weight. I was under the impression with my first child that I would give birth and walk out of the hospital looking like my old self again. What I wasn't told is that most women leave the hospital looking STILL very much pregnant. How is that even fair? You walk out of those hospital doors with a newborn in your arms and a 6 month old looking preggo belly! (If you happen to be one of the very few that walk out with your pre-preggo body and abs of steel I congratulate you via my blog and secretly hate you at the same time). Luckily, baby weight is something that eventually at a snail's pace will slowlllyyyyy shed away as long as you eat healthy, exercise, or in my case burn away through the ever so hard task of sitting on my butt on the couch breastfeeding. You can burn some serious calories by simply breastfeeding. Google it!

Speaking with a friend today (who also just recently had a baby), we came to the conclusion that our inability to lose those last few stubborn pounds ultimately lies on our toddlers. Yes, we did just blame our baby weight problems on our innocent, unbeknownst two year olds. But in our defense we are completely justified in our reasoning. Two year olds eat all day long. As a matter of fact, one of my son's most used words during the day is "snack snack". Isn't it cute that he says it twice in a row? Every 20-30 minutes I am taken to either the pantry or the fridge for a "snack snack". Sometimes, if I am lucky he self serves. So what does my son's bottomless stomach pit have anything to do with my struggle to lose baby weight? Well, you try to feed another human being string cheese, cheezits, animal crackers, popsicles, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, apple sauce, pretzels, bagels, goldfish, breakfast, lunch, AND dinner WITHOUT shoving that food down your throat as well. Back when I was single and wanted to shed a few pounds, the mission was easy. I would just stay away from the kitchen and eat accordingly. Now it is a different story. I habitat with a little hungry monster who is constantly eating and because we've raised such a gentleman, sharing! I can't possibly teach him how to share without accepting his kind offers of food. That would just be straight up rude. It's honestly all about prioritizing. Washboard abs or a future model citizen? So there you have it future moms, beware of the challenges that come with losing baby weight when you have a toddler around. Can't say nobody warned you!

And while we are still on the subject of baby weight, how about we leave it at this...WHO CARES?! Yes, it is easier said than done. All women struggle with body image regardless if we just birthed a little peanut or not. I am one of them. However, I've come to the realization that at THIS moment I can afford to have a couple of extra pounds and a soft tummy if it means I get to sit with my son on the couch while he feeds me goldfish, or walk through the neighboring village together as we BOTH eat a scoop of amazing gellato (yes I often times end up finishing his). We sacrifice our bodies when we bring life into this world. Even though we are often hard on ourselves, I can bet you a million dollars that your son or daughter think you are the most beautiful person in the world, and your husband has never been more in love with the person you've become. Do yourself a favor and don't put too much attention on that baby weight you have yet to gain or lose. You will one day wish for those times when your toddler put his grimy, sticky, ice cream holding hands up to your mouth and offered you a "bite".